Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
