erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
