Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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