This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
