i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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