the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
