So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
