FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
