4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
