Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
