so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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