just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
