party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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