My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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