I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He did a backflip because drugs
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