dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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