ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
