the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you had me at cake vodka
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
