My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
