nut hugger
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
