Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
