You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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