I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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