when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
