The maid of honor just puked.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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