we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
