Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
