tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
