He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
