I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
