She is in my trunk
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
