@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
