Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
