Quick, to the slutcave!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
