Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
