I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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