I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
