His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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