it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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