What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
