hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
