hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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