woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
