I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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