just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
please come you make the beer taste better
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
