I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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