Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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