My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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