Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
