Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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