He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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