im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
