Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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