If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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