hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
