He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
